Trauma at boarding school and before

For a large portion of my life I managed to satirize my experiences in boarding school in India. In social situations with my "Indiakid" peers, I can keep up with the laughing and mockery and the absurd story-telling... which is usually how most social situations wound up. But then a silence will fill the room when I blurt out something like "... and then I was ankle-deep in shit!" (There was one incidence in which I was truly ankle deep in raw sewage)

By and large it has not been socially acceptable to talk about the difficult aspects of boarding school, and by and large it is avoided. In our early adult lives I had a difficult time expressing my individual feelings, so as a way of coping, I would find something absurd in a shared experience to laugh about.

We are individuals. It's not realistic to expect that we go navigating the world and our lives as if they are common and shared.

In more recent years I have had to get more real about the harmful aspects of 3HO and India boarding school. Understanding the breadth of my experience allows me to examine my own life, my own actions, my own purpose, and my place in the world. Part of examining it is to acknowledge the traumatic aspects. As a young adult, I was under an assumption that trauma, or even post traumatic stress, was the result of one isolated incident that imprints in one's mind and haunts the individual forever. But the more I looked at my own life I came to realize that the situation as children in India wasn't one, singular or isolated traumatic incident. It was the multiplicity of chaotic situations that acted on us as the main stressors. Take the poor conditions of our environment, add the randomness in the kinds of punishments enforced on us, plus the minor but random violence imposed upon by teachers, and you have a institutionally hostile environment that day after day continues to compound the stress.

If this basic outline of our situation isn't traumatic, I don't know what is.

Steven Hassan on Huffington Post

Have you been reading any of the articles about the current schizm in Sikh Dharma? If so, what's your response as a 2nd generation adult?

Here is the op-ed piece by cult recovery expert, Steven Hassan. From there, is a link to a piece in the Santa Fe Reporter. The Eugene Register Guard also has a slew of articles. Below is the comment I left for Steven Hassan at the Huffington Post. I hope he reads it.

I'm often left with feelings of dismay and anger that, although there is word slowly making it to the public that 3HO/Sikh Dharma/Kundalini Yoga is a cult, perhaps now and imploding cult, but a de-facto cult nonetheless, no article has, to date brought up the experiences of those of us who were raised in it, shuttled about, and never even given the choice to "join or not". These articles, over and over, simply express your own schadenfreud for the business-side of 3HO's troubles, and the unfolding drama among its 1st generation baby-boomer converts. Not one mention of Sikh Dharma Foreign Education. Not one mention of GNFC School, or GRD Academy. One mention of Miri Piri Academy, that mentions it is a "training camp". It is not a training camp. It is a boarding school located in India which runs ten months out of the year. To call it a camp is completely misleading.

This implosion is yet another indicator of the 1st generation's callousness toward their 2nd generation - their children - and the 1st gens. willingness to suspend parental duties to please their guru, Yogi Bhajan. It is safe for me to say that 100% of us feel betrayed and abandoned. Perhaps those 2nd generationers who have remained in the Sikh Dharma community are experiencing this sense of betrayal differently, and probably cling to the faith even more. I still have a sense of comraderie with them - because we have all shared the same experiences as children. It hurts me to imagine them hurting over the things we did not start, and that we did not ask for.

So, enough of the schadenfrued. Enough of quoting Kamall Rose Kaur, who I am beginning to think is the leader of "the exes cult". Enough of the fanatics who railroad blogs and forums as a soapbox to preach their version of what "true Sikhsim" is.

If any of us 2nd generation are to participate in the dialogue, it will only be after we are recognized as autonomous individuals, not as puppets. Sherri has asked me to go on the record if she is to write an article about the schools in India. Does she have zero clue about what it means to recover from an upbringing in an abusive cult? Steven Hassan's approach is also problematic. What he seems to not understand is that the more one tries to "bust" a cult, the more divisive you are, and therefore the more futile it is. No one who is in a cult will ever admit that it is a cult! And the world will always have cults. One only realizes something is a cult after one has left - and then, the process of transition is extremely perilous and traumatic, that to have the cult-busters banging down your door to rally around their cause feels like just another version of thought reform.

Remembering US Independence Day in India

The GNFC school year was the reverse of what it is in the States. We got two and a half months off during the winter months, and spent March through November in India. Our July Fourths were not spent cooking out, or going swimming, watching fireworks, lighting sparklers, or feasting on fruit cobblers.

Our parents wanted for us to get far away from what they considered to be American: sex, drugs and rock n' roll. They considered India-- and its culture, traditions and customs--exotic and holy. But the moment we arrived we knew that India was NOT exotic OR holy, and they too had sex, drug and rock n' roll - just a tempered down, more repressed version of it.

The teachers and dorm matrons at GNFC were so unprepared to work with children from different backgrounds, that they often lashed out at us, targeted us, showed belligerence toward us, and used pejorative language at us. Oddly enough, this actually mobilized us to exercise what we considered to be our birth right: questioning authority. Those unrealistic expectations, placed on us so drastically, only felt oppressive and authoritarian. We had an acute intuitive sense that it was supposed to repress our will, and independent thought: wholly American traits in our minds. The thought of giving that up caused deep hopelessness - that we would never go home again, that we'd be "stuck in India".

So, in the only manner we could defy authority, we became overtly proud to be the "obnoxious Americans". And Fourth of July in India motivated us, even if ever so slightly, to embody true American Don't Tread on Me Independence. And yeah, it was often a losing battle, resulting in our faces meeting the stinging hot hand of a school marm.

I'm glad today that our parents were blind to the thought of us clinging to our American traits so hard.

...Got to hand it to GNFC and India - the place charged me to develop my own freedom of thought. And the battery that we were subjected to on a daily basis only fueled it more.

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa, Wahe Guru Ji Ki F....

Many of us who chose not to live "in the Dharma" left on our own accord, and are quite happy forging our paths as we see fit. We enjoy autonomy, anonymity, freedom of expression, freedom in our attire, dress, hair, the freedom to consume anything we want to consume, etc, etc. But it's possible that the prospects of more and more children winding up in India, some even 3rd generation children, causes discomfort and distress for us, as we continue in our own lives to process what it all meant. It's not unreasonable to experience a sense of concern over the futures of 3HO 2nd & 3rd genrs. or to care about the welfare of our old classmates who remain in this institutional setting. We know, perhaps with more clarity, that they remain in this setting for a variety of pressures, all of them real. We have all so palpably experienced the nearly crushing pressure to conform and to assimilate.

We all know what this pressure feels like, whether we were able to walk away or not.

But... when I see that this is going on, I am dismayed, and I am angered, and I vehemently oppose any sort of accord that attempts at an unequivocal manifesto that would assume to speak for me.

If you were born or raised in 3HO Sikh Dharma, yet do not subscribe to its tenets, it does not mean that you do not have the inalienable right to voice your concerns, talk about your history within 3HO or India, or advocate for the future generations.

Send your feedback to Sikh Dharma Next Generation: feedback@sikhdharmanextgeneration.org. Tell them your story, tell them your experiences, tell them how YOU live your life today. Any "accord" that assumes to speak for the 2nd generation adults born and raised in 3HO Sikh Dharma, whether they are actively engaged in the lifestyle or not, will be met with the reminder that the majority of those born and raised in this group have since left.

Live Your Life Response

Sikh Dharma Next Generation: "Agree that the Siri Singh Sahib bestowed upon us an invaluable legacy in his teachings of Sikh Dharma, Kundalini Yoga and meditation, and White Tantric Yoga, and in the non-profit organizations that he helped to form"

Live Your Life: The Siri Singh Sahib was an authoritarian, charismatic leader of a cult. He claimed to be a yoga master. He invented a series of calisthenics-like exercises and branded it as ancient Kundalini Yoga. He invented "white" tantric, in which he intentionally put his disciples in a trance-like state in order for them to suspend critical thinking, and blindly follow the prescriptions he called lifestyle. He created 501(c)3 organizations under the guise of religious freedom, and enlisted his disciples, and children of his disciple to turn over 10% of their income and volunteer their free time to him through his organizations. He lived a wealthy, lavish and luxurious lifestyle with the use of these funds.

SDNG: Agree that younger generations are the future leaders of Sikh Dharma and the non-profit organizations, and the future of the legacy of the Siri Singh Sahib;

LYL: The 2nd, 3rd and all future generations of the 3HO Sikh Dharma cult were unwitting and unwilling recipients of his authoritarian leadership. He ordered his disciples to swap children between households in different parts of the country. He ordered his disciples to put infants on dangerous diets. He ordered his disciples to send children away to an abusive boarding school in India, sometimes as young as six years old. He ordered young adults to work for his profitable businesses at minimum wage. He ordered and conducted the arranged marriages between young adults, or teen women to older men. The Complex Post Traumatic Stress symptoms experienced by many of the 2nd generation adults is his responsibility.

SDNG: Agree that developing leadership by the younger generations is the way to secure the Siri Singh Sahib’s legacy into the future;

LYL: The Siri Singh Sahib's legacy of abuse and authoritarian rule ends with him in death. He has no power over any of the future generations of 3HO Sikh Dharma, and cannot inflict any more orders or harm on any of his disciples or unwitting victims within the 2nd and 3rd generation. By living one's life as one sees fit, one removes the authority of this cult leader completely, and is able to enjoy the autonomy of a free life.

SDNG: Agree that it is critical to act now to create a smooth transition between current and future leadership;

LYL: What is critical, is to understand that the trauma and abuses suffered under this cult are in no way one's own fault or doing. What is critical, is for the 1st generation to take responsibility in its own part of putting its children in harm's way, despite repeated reports of abuse, sickness, neglect and filth while living in India, and in Ashrams across the world.

SDNG: Agree that this task requires a broad community effort;

LYL: If this indeed requires broad community effort, any task of taking the reigns for the future of 3HO/Sikh Dharma MUST include a clause which speaks of the intentional abuses of the boarding school environment in India, and the 3HO Ashrams. It MUST include a clause that hundreds of 2nd generation adults born and raised in 3HO Sikh Dharma have denounced its principles, its tenets, and especially its leader, Yogi Bhajan aka Siri Singh Sahib, and have undergone therapy and counselling at their own expense for cult recovery and PTSD.

SDNG: Agree that it is essential for established leaders to help develop younger leaders and create pathways for younger leadership;

LYL: It is essential for 2nd generation adults born and raised in 3HO Sikh Dharma to understand that the short term goals of the Siri Singh Sahib and his inner circle was to exploit the hard work and sacrifice of the populace of 3HO Sikh Dharma, and that this short term goal did not account for a future for the next generations of 3HO Sikh Dharma

SDNG: Agree that it is the responsibility of the younger generations to make the commitment to learning, training, and developing the necessary skills to fulfill leadership roles.

LYL: It is the right of all 2nd generation adults born or raised in 3HO Sikh Dharma to live a life of autonomy and freedom, whether or not they choose to adhere to the principles of 3HO Sikh Dharma. It is the responsibility of current members of 3HO who consider themselves the "future" generation to take into account differences in religion and creed, to take into account autonomy and freedom, and to take into account the majority of 2nd generation adults who have adopted the inalienable right to a life free of authoritarian obedience to one person.

Readers have my full permission to forward this response to: feedback@sikhdharmanextgeneration.org

They pimped us out

In the time between school in India and my leaving 3HO for good, I lived in the Española ashram, and briefly worked for the Khalsa companies. This was the most difficult time in my young 3HO life. By order of the Siri Singh Sahib (aka Yogi Bhajan), I was ordered to leave college, and told to work for one of the 3HO companies - for $5.00 per hour, no benefits, and a strict "bana" dress code. This happened at a time when many of us 2nd generation young adults were being instructed on how we were supposed to approach our futures, and many of us young women were winding up with the worse fate of an arranged marriage. We were ALL told that we would one day "own all of this", that these companies would someday be in our hands, that we would be the ones running them, earning income for ourselves, our families, and the community. The future of 3HO was idealized. The Siri Singh Sahib told us that all his wealth would someday be "ours", that it never really "belonged" to him, that it belonged to "the Khalsa". He told me, personally, that college was a waste of time, and that I could learn all I wanted at his companies AND be rich, and that college would not guarantee me a future like these companies would.

But the truth was that my job at the company turned out to be mind-numbing, and almost immediately after I started it, I felt like a corporate shill, and I felt like I had no future. My worst days were when I had to work with any of Yogi Bhajan's personal staff. But it was those days living in New Mexico that it occurred to me that there was a deep economic disparity between him (and his inner circle) and the rest of "the Sangat". 3HO is one of those groups that can proudly boast financial successes among many of its members, but the other side of that story is that many many members of the New Mexico community lived for a very long time in poverty and volunteered much of their free time to make him and his inner circle comfortable while they stayed at "the Ranch". The majority of New Mexico Sangat did not enjoy the luxuries at the Ranch, like the swimming pool, but did work to maintain its beautiful facade, spent nights in the security booth, and many late evenings fixing meals and cleaning up. I remember that the volunteer force was large, and well coordinated by the community leaders and his inner circle. As a young adult, I was expected to volunteer on a weekly basis, wether it was fixing meals or cleaning up.

When I began to lose interest in the community, I was called into his living room, and he yelled at me, calling me a "fucking bitch" and a "prostitute drug dealer". One of his staff members pulled me aside and told me that "he's telling me this because he loves me". Her name was Siri Karam, and I've resented her ever since, for being an accomplice to this man who was berating me and humiliating me.

In recent news, Siri Karam is now one of the leading figures in a hostile corporate take-over of the 3HO companies since the death of Yogi Bhajan in 2004. She, and three others took over Golden Temple for $100, and have since been firing workers, and locking members of the community out of their common spaces. It's a long, drawn out legal battle, and it's ugly.

This may seem counter-intuitive, but I'm deeply angered and dismayed by these turn of events. I know I have mentioned this in my blog before, I do believe most of the members of 3HO are good, honest, open-minded people, who's honest intention is to have a close community where they can share religious and spiritual experiences. For them, their worst mistake was to put their trust in an authoritarian man who did not have their best interest at heart, and who benefitted largely off their hard work and 10% of their income.

The sad truth is that Yogi Bhajan's rhetoric meant nothing in legal terms, and now that the companies are in dire straits, it's those hard-working, community minded folks whose futures are in peril. The part that angers me the most is that for much of the 2nd generation adults who have stayed and worked for these companies, and for some it has been since they were in their teens, they will have no education and no savings to fall back on if they lose their jobs. There are no 2nd generation executives at any of these companies, to date. We were treated like shills this whole time, and while I may have been able to leave, get an education, and find success, my peers who were not able to do so, have lost out. For the many 2nd generation adults who were instructed to marry very young, who have been put into arranged marriages, who had children when they themselves were children, they were being pimped out by not only Yogi Bhajan, but our parents too.

Our parents pressured us daily to follow "the Siri Singh Sahib", to trust him, and to obey and serve him. To them, that would be our coming of age. Our parents so blindly followed him, that they couldn't see the forest for the trees - that he was living in exorbitant wealth, using their hard-earned money to fund his and his inner circle's lavish and luxurious lifestyles, and pimping off young women to men ten years their senior, and exploiting our cheap labor.

I'm hoping that after all this passes, that the 3HO community can begin to build a truly democratic community, one that is focused on some of the more universal tenets of sikhism, not Yogi Bhajan's twisted and dogmatic version of it. I'm hoping that folks will truly provide their children with a sustainable future, and encourage higher education, critical thought and independent thinking. I'm hoping that they will see that their children do not need to be shipped off to Miri Piri Academy, and that when they stay home with their parents, they will reap the benefits of particpating in a constructive community, not one that is subservient to the needs of one, sole authoritarian presence.