Saturday, April 26, 2008

It takes a village...

It is very common within cults (of all types) to raise children communally. The leader takes a basic notion "It takes a village" and twists it into dictatorial orders that go against what most see to be important in basic child-rearing and child development. A healthy bond between parent and child is crucial in developing basic human traits like trust and hope. This being ruptured in a cult environment weakens both parent and child, making both more dependent on the leader - sort of like a perpetual state of childhood.

An ex-3HO adult mentioned that they were led to understand that communal child-rearing was the norm in Indian Culture, and therefore the reason for it within 3HO. But one of the biggest eye-openers for me having been sent to India at such a young age, away from the romantic notions of my parents, was that I was able to see Indian and Sikh culture for what is really was. And today as an adult, I am able to differentiate between the two - that 3HO, in no way resembles Indian culture or traditional Sikh culture.

In reality, it is not the Indian culture to simply refer to any adult in one's community as "auntie" or "uncle" (as this adult mentioned in a message to me). Indian culture highly emphasizes the nuclear and extended family as a unit, but total strangers are not treated as family willy-nilly. At GNFC the Indian students did not refer to their teachers and matrons as "auntie" or "uncle", they were "Ma'am" and "Sir". While Hierarchy is emphasized with age and class, there simply is no umbrella term for just any adult. Roles are far more clear than what the 3HO adults may have been led to believe. Yogi Bhajan used misunderstood notions of an exotic and far off land and twisted them to his benefit.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Letter from another second generation adult raised in 3HO

This email came to me today (although the author did not feel the need for anonymity, I've taken the liberty of removing a name).

"I grew up in 3H0 and went through all of it from the time I was seven years old.

"The more I read accounts from others, the more I realize that my inability to cope in alot of areas in my life now ( I'm now 32) are not unique to me alone. You'd think that not being alone would be some sort of comfort, but for me it's not. It's just a reminder that there were alot of us being abused and year after year nothing was ever done. No one ever stood up for us to get it stopped, not our parents or anyone. They all either just ignored it or didn't believe us when we tried to tell them what was really going on.

"I could probably spend days recounting my experiences, but for now I'll just say that the abuses were brutal and personal and extremely damaging.

"I was younger during Nanak Dev's reign of terror, so I luckily didn't encounter him much, but I got it from other adults both Indian and American and from other kids.

"And I got it from Yogi Bhajan back in the US after I left India as well. He managed to make me out to be some sort of criminal thereby isolating me completely from my friends and peers and from my parents. It's been so many years now and I've done lots of searching for some way to be OK now, and it all just lingers on and on, making it nearly impossible for me to be happy or trusting or open at all.

"I've done alot of really great things over the years that I'm really proud of, but it feels empty as if I'm waiting for some sort of validation from someone or somewhere that I know doesn't exist, yet I keep waiting for it. There aren't alot of us who truly talk about this stuff or who openly admit that it's affected us as much as it has. For some reason, we still cling to the notion that 'what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger' bullshit attitude. Well, I for one, am not stronger. I'm just really good at faking it most of the time. It makes me unbearbly sad when I think about it all. And, I don't want to be sad anymore and I don't want anyone else who was there to be sad anymore either.

"We were dealt a very unjust hand in our young lives and there are very real people who are to blame who must know how badly they affected us. At least I hope they know. Maybe it's time we tell them? Maybe it's time we get apologies, not excuses.

"I don't know, all I do know is that I struggle everyday to just be OK. To get up and go to work, to know that I am worth every effort and that I deserve to be happy. I just want anyone else who experienced 3H0 the way I did that you too deserve every happiness. And talking about it does actually help a bit and there are people who will listen.

"So, I hope you take good care Kelly. Thank you so much for letting me add my bit.

--S."

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Nanak Dev Singh

The winter of 1984 was particularly hard. Most children spent the winter break at Rishikesh in a dorm-style bungalow. The American Sikh converts who were appointed to live with us in India were referred to as “Singh-Sahib” (for the men) or “Bhenji”(for the ladies). These were “the guides”. The guides had little to no experience working with children and volunteered to travel to India on this program on very meager pay. The guide who was the most abusive was Nanak Dev Singh. He was meant to be the authority over everyone. He had executive order above all others, and well, if they didn’t agree with him, he would bully them into acquiescence.

Our daily routine began with waking up at 3:30 AM to take a freezing cold shower followed by Morning Prayer. At Prayer Nanak Dev Singh would whack us with a stick if our spines weren’t straight, or if we feel asleep. He loomed over us during meals, teasing children and haranguing. Then he led the children in some sort of Sikh martial art or athletic activity. He verbally abused and taunted all the children and he physically abused several children both boys and girls. He physically assaulted a girl behind closed doors and poundend on her chest and back causing serious bruising and welts. This incident was just total confusion from my perspective, but I remember bigger kids guarding the door where he had enclosed her to assault her. Looking back, his assault was pre-meditated, to the point where he had the wherewithal to lock her in a room and have the door guarded.

When a child didn’t respond to his harangues, he humiliated her (or him) in front of everyone and made her carry around a twenty-pound stone called an EGO ROCK so everyone would know she was punished. After he assaulted my friend, he made her carry around one of these stones for about one month. This practice even became a trend among the rest of the singh-sahibs and bhenjis. It got so bad, a seven year old was made to carry around the ego-rock. She dropped it and it broke her toe.

Although abuse was institutional, Nanak Dev Singh is personally responsible a majority of it, including most of the harshest assaults. It is my belief that he is culpable for most or all of diagnosed and undiagnosed cases of Post Traumatic Stress.

Nanak Dev Singh currently lives overseas, and most people want nothing to do with him. But I say, don't let him duck away so easily - email him - his email is: nkhalsa2@arcor.de and website.

I remember wanting nothing more than to coast under his radar, avoiding his randomly selected harangues and blow-outs. One time he did sneak up behind me, grabbed me by the throat and said "relax or I'll snap your neck". But my memory of the particular abuse incidents is mostly that of feeling major confusion – never knowing the details, never knowing what would come next, and experiencing crippling fear around him. My only guess how he got away with his tyranny is that is was sanctioned by Yogi Bhajan.

GNFC

Being at a boarding school at such a young age was not easy, although it was at times fun. It did get more nerve-wracking the older I got, and the more independent I became, which I think was a sign that I was healthier than I thought, and ready to live my own life.

Every day for the first years we were there, we were hit with a switch by our dorm matrons. Every day we received knuckle whacks by our teachers. Every day someone in the dining hall would get whacked on the top of the head with a serving spoon. Everyday we got dragged around by our earlobes.

One year the debate team even had to take on the adage “Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child”. Pity the children who had to come up with the pros of getting beaten. But in this institution, corporal punishment by seniors on to juniors was encouraged. I think it must have been about instilling a sense of false empowerment, thus encouraging the vicious cycle of abuses.

I was not athletic, not particularly popular, but not particularly unpopular. I spent my days avoiding the bullies, teachers and especially the American “guides”, who always seemed to find me and proceed to psycho-analyze some flaw of mine. The older I got, the more I stuck to activities like drawing, reading, playing cards, skateboarding, listening to rock n’ roll on my walkman (when I had batteries), or drinking tea. I did little studying but managed to get good grades. I consider myself one of the more fortunate ones because I could coast pretty well. Not all children could adapt to life without their parents – and these were the ones that I really feel for – somehow these children were the target of multiple daily abuses and punishments, and the more they were punished the harder it became for them to cope. Imagine parents knowingly sending their children into an institutionally abusive environment like this! These must have been some pretty heavy orders.

Parents in 3HO still send their children away to India to a school called Miri Piri Academy.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

about

I was born and raised in 3HO Sikh Dharma, a religion that I now know to be a cult. I left at 18 to live my life as I saw fit. After many years of not being able to shake the early childhood and India memories I am here to share my experiences and my current feelings about 3HO and their now deceased leader, Yogi Bhajan.

Growing up in a cult, we were often told that we were special and we were made to feel unique amongst mainstream society. The sad reality, however, was that we were treated carelessly and casually like communal property. In 1982 I was child-swapped to an inexperienced, negligent and abusive couple. In 1983 I was sent away, along with a group of other 3HO children, to boarding school in India. I was eight years old, and I was to live the rest of my childhood in a third world country under the "guidance" of appointed members in 3HO and Indian school matrons. As the years went on more and more groups arrived. 3HO Sikh Dharma continues to send children away to boarding school in India.

In my past experience it has been common for myself and my second generation peers to act flippant or dismissive when dealing with this past. One of the reasons, I believe, is that in dealing with the issue head on, one can become overwhemingly angry, anxious, stressed, depressed or saddened, and in order to simply cope we choose to brush some of the hard truths aside. We may rationalize by saying "everyone goes through traumatic experiences" or "it wasn't ALL that bad, was it?". Another possible reason that ex-3HO peers may have difficulty validating another's experience, and this is due to our being deprived of the natural development of our individual selves, and the encouragement of ashram adults (vis-a-vis the leader, Yogi Bhajan) to tattle and punish one another for speaking out or being different. The fear of reprisal–in whatever form–carried over to adulthood, and diminishes the ability to see each other for the amazing individuals we are, and want to become.

I am hopeful for my future, and in the futures of my second generation peers. A majority of us have gone on to higher education and have developed the necessary critical thinking skills needed for independent thought and informed choices.

About this Blog


I want the curious world to know, from a first-hand account, what life was like for me growing up in this religion, removed from my my nuclear family for more than half of my childhood. Through counseling, therapy and education, I am now able to convey my opinion clearly and confidently, knowing that my feelings are valid, and that there is an audience that wants to know more about our story.

The motivation for this journal is not as a polemic, but is a personal platform where I express some of the feelings that emerge now and again as a result of being raised in the high-demand religious cult called 3HO Sikh Dharma and Kundalini Yoga.

Posts are written in no particular order, and are archived by the written date.