Separating children from parents is wrong. Very wrong.

What's happening now–Children being torn from their parents at the US border–might feel all-too personal. It can trigger a lot of unhappy memories.

I have a clear memory of how I felt in my body and in my mind when I was really young and separated from my parents. I remember not feeling, and just being kind of confused and disassociated from reality. And I remember that when I was 'more present', my body and mind were nervous and fidgety. In my first and second years in India, I developed a nervous disorder called Trichotillomania, or compulsive hair pulling. I pulled out all of my eyelashes. Then I got made fun of, so I forced myself to stop so that I wouldn't get made fun of. No adult, teacher, older kid or nurse ever noticed. All I can say about it–in an internal sense–is that I felt like when I was pulling or picking or fidgeting that I was disappearing into an invisibility cloak of my own invention. No one bothered me when I was scrunched up into a little ball minding my own business. And that felt good. Eventually I started to cope with my nervousness through arts and crafts, knitting and needlework– at least as much as I could make time for. Many of us knitted with found yarn and lollipop sticks. Even if it was to knit something, take it out, and start over, that's what we did. So much of our time was spent with these odd, but self-soothing regimens.

Before the camps, the child swapping and the boarding schools, I was actually a confident, happy child. The separation chipped away at my self-esteem and my feeling of security and safety, both emotional and physical. I was able to fake cheerfulness at times, make jokes and laugh, but inside I was deeply insecure. And, gosh, there were so many unsafe situations. Too many to count really. Children getting struck by lighting at Ram Das Puri, Nav Jiwan Kaur falling to her death at Nambé falls, Ong Kar Kaur nearly drowning at Abiquiu, Me and my sister nearly getting killed in a Flash Flood while camping with "guardians"... Then there was the physical abuse, the emotional abuse, the sexual abuse, the neglect and the TOTAL lack of affection.

That last one, that's a major one. Greater than we ever thought. In the absence of it, you don't even know you need it to survive. In the absence of it–the part of you that makes you you–experiences a profound, physical and emotional loss. Your crucial, human sense of self is put at risk.

All of this, while we were supposedly part of a community that believed in love, and in raising the consciousness of the world through compassion, kindness and selfless service. I can't begin to imagine what the children in the I.C.E. detention centers are going through, while under the guardianship of politically motivated, profiteering xenophobes. Okay. Yes, the circumstances for our separation were different than what's happening now, but the resulting affects were no less profound. Separation affects on the mind, body and spirit are traumatic, not matter the circumstance.

Most of us survived and were able to build happy lives for ourselves, and many of us have had the therapy we needed to understand the long-term affects of family separation. This is all the more reason that as survivors we speak up against what our country is doing. We must be there for these children and their parents, in whatever way we can be–financial, political or vocal.

Let me finish with one last thing. I cannot believe, for the life of me, that people in 3HO Sikh Dharma still believe in sending their kids far away to India to attend Miri Piri Academy. It's unfathomable. It's appalling. It's shameful. It's criminal. It's worth noting that 3HO Sikh Dharma profits from the private I.C.E. Detention Centers. Some of the I.C.E. jails contract with Akal Security for the staffing of Corrections Officers. Akal Security is officially owned by 3HO Sikh Dharma, and the some of the profits from Akal Security are used to promote their new-age arm: Kundalini Yoga, White Tantric, Yogi Tea brand tea company, Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training seminars, and their sappy, saccharine music brands like Spirit Voyage and White Sun. This new-age arm puts forward a progressive image, but within its nesting doll structure of for-profit and non-profit entities, 3HO Sikh Dharma as a whole is benefiting from and enriching itself on the horrific policies of our government and the increasing privatization of government functions. There's nothing progressive about that.

Giving Back

Chapter 1

As Sikh children, we were told to give back. In fact giving back to one's community, or Dasvandh, was one hallmark among my many memories as a Sikh child. My parents gave ten percent of their income in tithings. It's part of Sikh tradition to give a tithing, even if very small, at every temple.

I have been away from the 3HO Sikh Dharma community for nearly two decades, so it is from a healthy distance that I observe the ongoing legal battles between all of the for-profit companies (Akal Security, Golden Temple Foods, Yogi Tea, etc), non-profit companies (Sikh Dharma International, Sikh Dharma Worldwide, Siblings of Destiny, et al.), the familial heirs to Yogi Bhajan's personal fortune, and his personal assistants, who are staking a claim to the very large sums of money involved among all of these entities.

It's complicated, it's convoluted, and, for many it's infurating! (I think I can say this and be heard by believers and non-believers alike)

One of the reasons these legal battles are impossible to appreciate is that it's about millionaires fighting with other millionaires about who gets to keep the pot of gold. And a pot of gold it is. Akal Security has received about $30 billion in federal contracts in its existence.

And then there are the rest of us. There are those who remain in "the dharma" and continue to work for meager wages. There are those whose homes are the property of the 3HO Sikh Dharma non-profit religious entity. There are those who simply walked away from all of it, and re-built their lives one step at a time. And there are those who were born and raised there and:

1) worked for a 3HO Sikh Dharma business or organization for minimum wage
2) were discouraged from attending college, or
3) attended college eventually, but paid his/her own way, borrowing in order to do so.
4) did not attend college, and fend for his/her selves in what ways he/she can.

and finally,
5) that financially cover one's own therapy and counseling. (I'm hoping everyone is doing this regardless, by the way)

As for me, all of the above.

I am successful and fulfilled in what I do, which is good. But I can't say that going out on my own as a young adult totally alone was not immensely challenging. Or that I didn't encounter some major hurdles. And I cannot say that I would not have greatly appreciated my community giving back to me in some form of support in return for my contributions to them.

But as I left to forge my own path, all I heard was Sayonara. No, what I literally heard was, "you will be a drug-addict prostitue lying in the gutter".

But alas, this is the way of the world much of the time. Religions don't give plebians support, and Tithings aren't a choice. Tithings are an obligation. It's one's holy duty to give to the church. And to ask anything in return other than salvation or pure bliss is showing greed and discontent.

At the Sikh Dharma Worldwide website: http://sikhdharmaworldwide.org/ you will see information on ways to give, but not much on community engagement and outreach. You will see pages that have been set up to accept donations that will cover their incurred legal fees. There is a website and domain dedicated to Tithings alone called http://www.dasvandh.org/. They do, however, "give" in the form of political contributions. To both parties. In large sums. State and Federal.

Chapter 2

After the legal mess, most of us have an idea of the net worth of Sikh Dharma International and all of its "nesting dolls" of non-profits and for-profits. I ask, when are they going to give back? Have they set up a college scholarship fund? Have they set up a fund to help young adults go out into the world to succeed? Have they instituted any sort of support structure for its young members so that they may move forward, move upward, and thrive? Has Bibiji Inderjit Kaur Puri offered up any of her personal fortune to help others? Have Peraim Kaur and Kartar Singh, after receiving their settlements offered to help anyone recovering and surviving this cultic environment? Has the Kettle Foods empire ever offered to help out? Or, for that matter, any one of the multi-million dollar businesses, that benefitted from the hard work and dedication of ashram devotees, who often worked for very little pay, offered up support?

And yet, and yet... there are people right under their noses in Española who live in dilapidated mobile homes.

It's time to give back. It's time to offer to heal wounds and mend hearts.

There is a generation of adults who suffered as children, and there are more generations to come–who as children suffered needlessly due only to your callousness, your narcissism, and your dogma.

And to my 2nd and 3rd generation readers. We can heal our wounds by finding ways to give back to our communities too. I have hope that we can take that grain of advice and we can polish it into a beautiful, shining pearl.

We have come this far.